"AM I CURED??"
The Breast Cancer Webpage
that shines the searchlights
on the question of "cure"
You've received the dreaded diagnosis -- 
you've heard those words, "You have breast cancer." 
And you are either awaiting treatment or have been treated -- perhaps with lumpectomy or mastectomy 
(with or without reconstruction), 
with radiation and/or with chemotherapy, 
and maybe you're also taking Tamoxifen 
or another hormonal therapy.

You may even have been diagnosed with metastatic disease 
which is now in remission or maintained as stable 
with new and aggressive treatments.

Your well-meaning family and friends 
(or perhaps even your doctor or counselor) tell you, 
"Well, now you're cured!"

*But are we?*

The newest and most puzzling "C" word is not cancer but CURE.  More myths seem to persist about whether or not breast cancer is curable than perhaps any other aspect of this disease 
that affects one in every 9 women in this country.

The word CURE has myriad definitions, raises many questions, causes serious misunderstandings, confuses, misleads, mystifies, infuriates, yet sometimes provides hope and comfort to 
those of us who have been diagnosed with breast cancer.

On this webpage, members of a breast cancer e-mail listserv consider the vital question:  "Am I Cured" -- with humor, gravity, anger, puzzlement, resignation, and courage.

So just follow the balancing ball for all the answers....
Some thoughts on Cure*
Denotation...

*cure, n., v., cured, cur•ing. [1250–1300; (v.) From the Latin cura]
n.
1. a means of healing or restoring to health; remedy.
2. a method or course of remedial treatment, as for disease.
3. successful remedial treatment; restoration to health.
4. a means of correcting or relieving anything troublesome or detrimental.
 5. a process of preserving meat, fish, etc., by smoking, salting, or the like.
6. spiritual or religious charge of the people in a certain district.
v.t.
7. to restore to health.
8. to relieve or rid of (an illness, bad habit, etc.).
9. to prepare (meat, fish, etc.) for preservation by smoking, salting, etc.
10. to process (rubber, tobacco, etc.) as by fermentation or aging.
11. to promote hardening of (fresh concrete or mortar), by keeping damp.
Connotation...
"I am the world's worst worrywart - yet I do in fact assume the best 
at this point. Of course I can't be 100 per cent sure 
that it won't ever happen again, but I'm happy to live with the belief 
that I just MIGHT be cured, meanwhile. 
As far as the (four-letter!) word itself is concerned, I don't really have any problems with it, 
so long as it isn't used with certitude. 
Seems hard to believe that any doctors do so with regards to breast cancer,
in fact, given that there is no universal cure as yet. . . .

My GP was the only one ever to use the word "cure" to me directly. 
But what she actually said was, 'You've got to believe that you are cured.'
Not 'You are cured.' That was OK by me. 
Oh I didn't believe it then of course... and still don't, really.
But I'm closer than two years ago, for sure. 
If I do have a recurrence, I will deal with it as and when.
Meanwhile, in the absence of any guarantees, 
hoping that I am truly cured is OK for now."

-Sara in England
"I've known since I was first diagnosed that "cured" was not an option. 
In fact I was pretty sure at the beginning that I was going to die 
(might have something to do with the 7 cm tumor I had...). But as time has gone on I've allowed myself to become more hopeful - 
and I refuse to worry about "IT" until/unless "it" happens. 
I'm coming up on my 6 year anniversary this month (July 20) and do 
get that 'five years and you are cured' nonsense every once in a while. 
And my onc keeps telling me that MOST people recur during 
the first two years and I should 'get on with my life.' 
Of course I don't let him get away with that! 
Funny thing is, when I told him what kind of photographs I do 
I kind of expected him to be negative and tell me to 'stop dwelling on BC' 
like he did to my friend (she no longer goes to him). 
But he surprised me - He thinks it's great and wants to see my work. 
Go figure.

But there is one thing - In spite of my newfound (cautious) optimism I have
this irrational thing about keeping around my wig and prosthesis. 
I really should donate them - but every time I think about it I start to get anxious - There is that little superstitious corner of my brain that says 'Don't jinx it!' So I still have my wig - that I never wore because I only lost half of my hair - and I still have my prosthesis that I haven't needed since my Tram [reconstruction] - 5 years ago. Not only that but I couldn't even use it If I had to have another mastectomy because it only fits the right side! So I keep them both on a shelf in my bedroom - And so far they've kept 'IT' away...."

-Nancy
Sonnet CXVIII.

   Like as, to make our appetites more keen,
   With eager compounds we our palate urge,
   As, to prevent our maladies unseen,
   We sicken to shun sickness when we purge,
   Even so, being tuff of your ne'er-cloying sweetness,
   To bitter sauces did I frame my feeding
   And, sick of welfare, found a kind of meetness
   To be diseased ere that there was true needing.
   Thus policy in love, to anticipate
   The ills that were not, grew to faults assured
   And brought to medicine a healthful state
   Which, rank of goodness, would by ill be cured:
     But thence I learn, and find the lesson true,
     Drugs poison him that so fell sick of you.

-William Shakespeare
"...When I found out about the "real" breast cancer. . . I found out that my path report was horrible.  I found out why everyone looked at me with the 'poor thing' look.  No one SAID anything about how bad my prognosis was, they just gave me the look.  I went for a glorious 18 months after my SCR [stem cell rescue] where I was cancer free.  I felt like I just started living my life again when BOOM, there was the mets [metastasis]. 
In a way it was relieving to get the diagnosis.
I kept waiting and waiting and running to the doc with every ache and pain,
it snuck up on me when I wasn't expecting it.

Now I do know what to expect.
I still feel wonderful.  Tired and scared, but wonderful. 
Now I feel like things matter and what I do counts. 
Trust me, I'd rather NOT have a terminal disease and still do the same things, 
but I don't think I'd be on the same 'path' if I wasn't sick.  
Maybe I wouldn't be as good a mom, or donate as much time to the school district.  
I'd be too busy chasing the almighty dollar and working too hard (family hazard!).

I know I'm not cured and probably will never be. 
I know that I can continue to prolong my life with the new things that are out there.  
I can certainly thank this list [breast cancer listserv] for me still being alive.  I can truly say that without you guys I wouldn't be as assertive in my treatment or as confident in things that I don't think will work.  You all have given me so much in this journey and I thank all of you!"

-Kim
"Knowing that there isn't a cure for cancer (yet), and having a doctor tell me I am cured is a lie.  Pretty strong word but I feel strongly that when I ask a question.... "am I cured"... I expect a straight answer, not pap. 
I fully expect any doctor I have to answer my questions 
honestly and fully, with as much information as possible. 
If I don't like the answer, it doesn't matter.  I want the truth. 
As for giving me hope... any doctor who tells me that s/he is and will do all they can for me gives me a lot of hope, that I'll get the best they can do.  Naturally, I-- in all innocence-- asked my oncologist upon the completion of treatment whether I was cured or in remission. 
His answer was perfect for me: 'If, when you are 99 years old 
and you die of a heart attack, you were cured -or- if, 
when you are 99 years old and you die of cancer, you were in remission.' 
Hope, humor and the truth -- all in one. 
And I'm not such a foolish person as to believe that medicine 
is so exact a science that guarantees can be given for some things. 
Cancer being the biggest one. My issues then are Truth and Honesty.  Unfortunately for the doctors, some people ask the same questions I ask 
and they truly do NOT want the truth; they want to be told what they want to hear.  They would be angry, upset, hurt, terrified and hopeless if the doctor didn't 'lie' to them or give them 'false hope.' 
And the poor doctor has to do the guessing and the telling."

-Esther in Carrollton, Texas
King Henry VI: I prithee, give no limits to my tongue:
I am a king, and privileged to speak.

  Clifford: My liege, the wound that bred this meeting here
Cannot be cured by words; therefore be still.

-Shakespeare's King Henry VI, part III, Act II, scene II
"I think that for a lot of health care professionals the hope 
of us being cured gives them the ability to keep working. 
It's a very stressful job dealing with giving the diagnosis of BC and/or mets. 
Hope is what they need to offer, and lets face it 
most people grab at the hope offered. 
It also seems to me that of friends and family it is particularly those 
most afraid of dying [who] need to believe in 'Cured.' 
I'm not being nasty about my loved ones. 
They were genuinely afraid of losing me and didn't want that to happen.
However those friends and acquaintances who most need me to be cured 
are also those very frightened of death. 
In a round about way I'm saying even if we don't grasp at the Cured, 
others need to in order to feel safe themselves."

-Hazelanne in England
"My problem with the word 'cure' is this: what does it mean to ME and my way of coping with a potentially life threatening and certainly life altering disease? 
Can I ever relax, and say to myself, 'Well I am surely going to die some day, 
but it won't be from breast cancer -- WHEW!'

For me the word cure is a paradox, full of contradictions. 
Yes, I find comfort in the notion that the survival statistics for most of us after treatment are good, 
but I am concerned that little sneaky cancer cells may still be lingering inside me, and that there isn't anything certain that I or anyone else can do to prevent them from growing yet another tumor or spreading to a vital organ.

So in a way, I will never be fully 'restored to health' -- 
and that is what probably upsets me the most. 
I will never be the same again, never fully well (or enjoying the illusion of it), 
never able to completely relax.  
For you see, the most important definition of 'cured' for me would be 
to be able to assume the best,
that I am well, that it won't happen again."

-Suzanne in the San Francisco Bay Area
"My cure for what ails me is
Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia!"
"I would like to know why the doctors that are telling you that you are cured
are having you come back every 3 months for a year, than every 6 months, 
and keep running the tests on you if they truly felt you were cured. 
This protocol alone is something that keeps us anxious and vigilant about
anything different with our bodies, and keeps the thoughts of METS 
foremost in our minds a good deal of the time.

My doctor never used the word cured; in fact he told me the risk level he
thought I was.  I wanted to know and yes, in some respects it has played a
part in my life and with some of the decisions that I have made regarding my
life since my DX.  I am glad he was willing to give me his opinion. 
From what I have read and learned since then, 
I feel he gave me accurate information FOR ME.  I hope I will remain 
NED [no evidence of disease] forever, but to me I am not cured."

-Marilee in Kansas City, Missouri
"In a way, my docs sort of gave me false hope at first. 
I was very much the 'straight man' when I went in the day after my doc 
called me and told me I did indeed have bc. 
I asked him point blank if I was going to die. 
I wanted all the info he would tell me.  I found out later on, that he had
sugar coated a lot of what he told me, and this just made it worse, when my
other doctors told me my real prognosis. 
Although I realize a 70 to 80% survival rate is good, 
it's not as good as 90%, which is what the first doc told me.
... my surgeon also told me that if I didn't have a recurrence in 5 years,
that I was considered 'cured....' .

I wonder why some Dr.'s do this? 
Do they really think they are doing us a favor by giving us false hope? 
The truth is dashing when it is revealed."

-Michelle in Tulsa, Oklahoma
Camillo to Leontes:  Good my lord, be cured
Of this diseased opinion, and betimes;
For 'tis most dangerous.

-Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale, Act I, scene II
"Speaking only for myself, I dislike docs and other professionals in
oncology using the word "cured" unless they can give me a 100% guarantee
that metastases will not pop up sometime in the future.  They cannot.

Until there are tests that can, without a doubt, determine there are NO
microscopic breast cancer cells lurking anywhere in my body (despite
surgery, chemo & rads), waiting for the right opportunity to arise 3, 5, 8
or 12+ years down the road of my life, then I am not 'cured.'

As I understand it, once affected by BC, the risk of recurrence, metastasis
or new primary is greater in a once diagnosed individual than in one who
has never heard Those Words.  
The risk decreases as years from diagnosis accumulate, 
but is always greater in an individual who has had BC.

I am quite pleased with 'no evidence of disease' (NED) and wish it were so
for all of us.  But, unlike some other diseases which can be 
determined to be totally zapped, cancer cannot. 
At least not this one, which is all I really know about.

I like hope.  But I prefer the truth to false hope.  So please, docs and
onc nurses:  no 'cure' for me, until you can guarantee it in writing."

-Julie in Austin, Texas
"My docs told me to treat BC as a chronic disease. 
Even though I am 7.5 years from diagnosis and still NED, it could come back. 
And while I know women who are 30 years out and still alive and well, 
I also know women and men who recurred after many, many years. 
'Cured' isn't a word that seems to apply to BC.

It is a false promise and I think it is cruel for docs to tell people they are cured. 
The truth is a lot easier to deal with , in my opinion. 
After several years the chances are good it won't come back, 
but it certainly can, and does. 
I really wish I were one of those people who could go into denial 
and forget about it but I'm not. I'm hopeful but realistic.

And no, I haven't returned to the person I was before. 
Some of that is good but a lot of it isn't. I'll never get my energy back. 
Most importantly, the fear will always be there somewhere in my head 
that I'll get a recurrence. And aches and pains are a great deal 
more scary now than they ever were."

-Harriet
"Sure the fear of recurrence sometimes hit me, 
like if I had a real bad pain or felt something that didn't feel right. 
But my life did not revolve around BC........
I knew I wasn't "cured" just from family experience and because my
docs were very honest in explaining to me that BC is NOT curable, 
at least not mine.

It was after I got hit with it again (3 years later) that my life started and
still does revolve around this dam disease........... Why?  I'm not sure........
I should have expected it, but it caught me completely off guard!
 And now a possible 3rd recurrence scares the hell out of me.....It's all I
think about day and night, I can't get rid of it........ wish I could. 
I've allowed it take over my life..........
and today, I am not the person I was before my recurrence.
I don't know who I am sometimes.... (or can't remember LOL)."

-Jodi in Oklahoma
Mark Antony:    Come, then; for with a wound 
I must be cured.

-Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra, Act IV, scene XIV

well-Cured Limericks

If I'm CURED should I feel like a ham?
Will you bake me and serve with a yam?
Topped with a pineapple
To drink...a fine Snapple
Add cloves and see how good I am

I will have to get out of these PITS
I'm beginning to lose all my wits
If I moan and I groan
Folks will leave me alone
And my pride will be broken to bits

Ooooohhhhh  please can I have some RED WINE
Or if not red then white is divine
I will go on a tear
And I just will not care
If  I'm CURED, in the PITS or just fine

So I'll drink me a toast to you all
Pour the WINE and we'll all have a ball
We'll be CURED like a ham
And we won't give a damn
If the PITS come and pay us a call

-Bobbie in Lawn Gisland, NY

I am holding out for a cure
Because I really need to be sure
But this bloody disease
Won't loosen its squeeze --
Think I'll move to Kuala Lumpur!


Some people insist that I'm cured
I wish I could be reassured
This new "C" word's alarming
And potentially harming
If we think that our future's assured

'Cuz my body is different, that's certain
And I freak out whenever I'm hurtin'
My energy's zapped
Find me frequently napped
Draw the blinds-- night night -- pull the curtain...

OK, I'm awake now, and raring
At the breast cancer beast I'm still swearing
Call me ham, roast, or salmon
This is feast and no famine
To be alive and uncured takes some daring!

- Suzanne in the San Francisco Bay Area


"I think I'm getting a migraine!"

If you would like to contribute to this website,
please E-mail Suzanne.

GO BACK to Suzanne's BC Links