Golden LimerLicks
page 2

Comet

I'm owned by an angel named Comet
Who filled up my bed with fluff-vomit
No blizzard, it seems,
But a Golden's mid-winter dream
That prompted poor pillow to scream.

Off to China, we are
Not by boat, plane, or car
But by tunnel we'll go
Come rain, sleet, or snow
Trip courtesy Comet and Beau.

Sweet Comet was born with hips oh so bad
Bad breeding -- all due to that puppy mill cad
But her friends, they did rally
And come to her aid
Now a new set of hips, her vet he has made.

Upon each heart in our family
Is a Golden paw print -- symbol of deep empathy
Forever imprinted, and always a treasure
Our Golden Friends all gave us gift without measure
So that Comet may live her life with GReat pleasure.
-Sheri Anderson, Comet, and the rest of the family

I don't like spending my days in
Applying the art of fund raisin'
I'd rather be a star
And am with my G R
Just look at those sweet eyes at me a gazin'
-John and Jake

My two goldens make up a small troop
They were rescued without any soup
They are Casey and Sam
In my lap they always am
And their favorite snack must be horse poop.
-Gail, Casey, and Sammy

We have a doggy like peggy-Sue
who also eats her own doo-doo
she's not very picky
as long as its sticky
she'll eat it until she turns blue
-Kevin Veinott & Jenna (or better known as Jenna-Sue)
Nova Scotia,Canada

We have a sweet Golden named Maggie
Who's tail is always so waggie
The only problem is that
she's always chasing the cat
and I suppose her fur's a bit shaggy
-Holly & Maggie
Snowed in in NJ

My Wonderful 3M's
The 3M's sure fill me with glee,
That's Morgan T, Mack and Molly.
Tho they shed lots and lots
Making grandma take potshots,
They make my life pure heavenly!
-Noreen and the 3M's

Cinnamon my golden retriever of two,
Jumps whenever you say "BOO"!
An evil trash bag,
A thrown out rag,
Are all coming to get just you!

Cinnamon, my golden heart doggy
Jumps around like a young healthy froggy.
Good and evil woobies -- BEWARE!
Your guts, I'm sure, will go everywhere,
And your skins are left wet, ripped, and soggy.

And tennis balls galore!
She'll fetch and fetch till I can throw no more!
I love my baby, oh so much,
With her roo-rooing, frapping and all that such,
Oh yeah, she's my heart dog for sure!

I once thought I'd never feel
A love so strong, so very real.
A Golden Retriever, I am blessed,
nobody would of ever guessed.
Who could ask for a better deal?
-Sue and Cinnamon Clark
Dover, NH

An Ode to Chelsea the Sock Thief:
Chelsea, my dog, is a golden;
Whenever the laundry I'm foldin';
If I drop a sock
To the basket she'll flock
Then that sock in her mouth she'll be holdin'.

Goldens are beautiful creatures;
They have such magnificent features;
Their tails wag with joy
When they play with their toys -
And in love, they are wonderful teachers.
-Susan & Chelsea in Las Vegas NV

There once was a dog named Duke
who could eat so fast he would puke
his mom was aghast
from the fumes out his a--
and wished it was all just a fluke
-Sandy, owned by Duke

Some Limericks for the Richardson Gang

Scotty & Earnie Richardson

Now "Gemma the Maimer" has heard
How a Washington fuzzbutt's absurd
About all fecal matter
From pile to smatter--
Peggy Sue knows her tail from a turd


But the ALPHA-- Ms. Becky defines
Despite all the yips, howls, and whines
No prisoners she takes
Gives no second mistakes
So Gemma gets wise and resigns


A hunk name of Earnie will one day
Get a hankering with Gemma to play
But this bitch, she knows well
That the Earnster can't tell
A hurdle from a roll in the hay

But before their hums can object--
Both Scotty and Michael expect
To be tripped and abused
But they're always amused
And their THREE they will never neglect!
-Huggles, Suzanne & Gemma

Once there was a puppy retriever,
shy and timid in the shelter.
She ran to me with such a delight
and stole my heart the very first sight.
I brought her home and named her Sugar.

Sugar's buddy is a kitty named Mittens,
from the same shelter, quite forgotten.
She loves to purr and purr some more
snuggles for warmth and amour.
I can't imagine why they were forsaken.

But now that they are mine,
their lives are forever fine.
Although they claim to have saved me
from the loneliness away from my family,
I leave that to the Divine.

To Comet
Little darling Comet,
whose legs always plummet.
Today she scores a homerun.
On her very first run,
I better wear a helmet.
-Sunnia & Sugar & Mittens in CA

I have a sweet golden named Spur
Who pulls Lucy around by her neck fur
Tolerate him she will
'Til he makes himself a pill
It won't be long 'til she says, "Grrrrrr"

I have a red golden named Lucy
Loud noises sometimes make her goosy
Loves her tennis balls she does
All covered with green fuzz
Spur wants to play with his moosey.

Not a thing is safe in this house
Not even the underwear of my spouse
When it is left on the floor
Spur sneaks through the door
And runs away with it quiet as a mouse.

My Lucy is sweet as can be
To my heart she does hold the key
In my eyes she is gold
Always does what she's told
No one has better manners than she.
-Cindy Zelbst, Lucy and Spur
Lawton, OK

There is one very lucky lady
Her name happens to be Sadie
She will live in Walla Walla
I bet she will not halla halla
'Cause she will gets lots of love and gravy!

My golden rescues are so dear to me
They fill my life with glee
The therapy they provide
Is unconditional and with pride
Did I mention, they set me free

Golden friends I have met
On this thing they call the net
Peace of mind feels good
24/7 oh I wish I could
Addicted to G@H, you bet!

Suzanne is quite a gal
I'm glad she is my G@H pal
Gemma is so funny
Or is it really her mummy
They both can really howl!

Genuine from the start
She gives from her heart
Truly golden to be exact
St. Helen is just that
Caring, unselfish, and smart
-Teresa, Cinnamon, & Ginger Bullard

The G&H list sports a man name of Bushey
who at times is a pain in the tushey
But for the most part
This man has a *huge* heart
now I'll quit 'fore I get sorta mushey
-Scotty Richardson, Becky, Peggy Sue, & Earnie

Jim Bushey & Kyrie

To my sweet mellow Golden Winona
You have quite a regal persona
You love all you meet
With a crotch sniff you greet
You've been my heart dog for as long as I've known ya
-Debbie & Winona
Snowless in Denver

We have 2 Goldies
No they are not oldies
Though our next will be
Old gold you'll see
Listening to rock-n-rollies

Cinnamon was our first
Yes he was for better or worse
Ginger was our second
Hand in hand we were beckoned
Our two "spices" quench our thirst

Our 2 rescues are the best
For we never get any rest
Love we give all day
Oh yes and lots of play
In return our life is full of zest!
-Teresa, Cinnamon, & Ginger Bullard
Southern Illinois

My sweet girl's name is Pandora
To her, wet grass is a horror
She looks up at me
As she refuses to pee
"Perhaps I can wait til tomorrow."
-Dennis Parslow & Pandora

I have a new baby named Lucy
All golden except for her tushy
She's really so sweet-
Just loves to eat
But sometimes can be a bit pushy!
-Beth & Lucy

Mulligan
Young Mully has only one vice,
He finds chewing up underwear nice.
So visitors BEWARE,
Leave you clothes on a chair,
But before dropping your undies think TWICE!
-Jennifer Borgesen & Mulligan

Our sweet little goldie named Sadie
Was raised somewhere else as a baby
She came here by CUR
She's got lots of fur
We're hoping she lives to be eighty.
-Karyn in Leesburg, VA
& Curly "that's not the one you told me"
& Sadie "you should have put in something about tennis balls"

(Teesa's name is pronounced tEEsa
Long E --rhymes w/ Lisa).
We have a beauty named Teesa
She likes to buy toys with our Visa
Her hobby is tormenting squirrels
She throws them for a whirl
She doesn't eat them like pizza 

We have another named Allie
She lives in the Lehigh Valley
We call her Allie-Oopie
No, she doesn't eat "poopy"
Has to watch the calorie
-Shayne Murray, Teesa & Allie
Nazareth, PA

Ollie, my golden is stumpy
with other dogs, he gets quite humpy
but love him, I do
tho I sometimes yell til I'm blue
but he'll always be my lil stumpy-lumpy!

Ollie and Trixie love to play
they play tuggies almost every day
and when Ollie wins
oh boy! does he grin!
then Trixie says, "Ollie! I'll get you someday!"

Ollie thinks he's top dog
but Trixie thinks he is just a hog
when she's not looking,
her food he is snooking
and then burps and lays there like a log!
-Jenny O'Brien & Ollie

I have a new baby named Lucy
All golden except for her tushy
She's really so sweet-
Just loves to eat
But sometimes can be a bit pushy!

I have a funny mom and dad
They really aren't too bad
I sleep on the bed
Right near their heads
But if I kick sometimes they get mad!
-Beth and Lucy
Goose Creek, SC

There is a fine golden named Curly
Who's handsome and happy and twirly
He bounces a lot
His breath is real hot
And Dixie the cat says he's squirrely.

There once was a dog from Nantucket
Who would chase tennis balls by the bucket
He'd run with a grin
Fetch with quivering chin
Bring it back and then bounce till you'd chuck it.
-Karyn, & Curly & Sadie
in Leesburg, VA

There once was a golden named Rufus,
Who acted so much like a goofus,
That a little girl said,
As she patted his head,
"Why don't we call him Rufus Doofus!"

My Zachie came to me from Dallas,
A rescue with no trace of malice.
He's Rufie's best friend,
Fuzzylove without end,
Together in our little palace.
-Denise Schoen, Rufus & Zach

Ok, this is Hubby's contribution
(he really does love her, I promise!!)
As my Golden Maggie sits here next to me
I fear she's in desperate need of a lobotomy
Even at that
She's not as dumb as the cat
Though her brain is the size of a pea
-Holly & Maggie (MOM!! How could you let him write that!!)

There was a young puppy from Sparta
who first earned a part of my hearta
when on my warm lap
he took his first nap
like he had chosen me right from the starta

There is a wonderful doggy named Dex
who manages quite to perplex
when I put on his boots
he sidles and scoots
though the snow's almost up to our necks

Oh I have a puppy so sweet
who has the world's largest dog feet
so much hair tween the toes
and so fast it grows
that their ever so hard to keep neat

When he swims, Dexy will take the cake
in a river, an ocean or lake
he will splash and splutch
he loves it ever so much
I laugh so hard it makes my sides ache
-Carolyn Kinsler & Dexter

There once was a dog called Twister
Really was my Tempo's big sister
She jumps up his back
Never gives him no slack
My goodness why does he still love 'er?
-Agnes, Tempo & Twister too!!!

Zuzu is my golden's name
Woobies are what she loves to maim
She'll tear off the arm
and do it great harm
"This one is dead!" she'll proclaim
-Lisa and Zuzu

To physical therapy I could not go
I'm homebound due to ice and snow
I didn't want to fall
Rather stay home and have a ball
Writing limericks is mental therapy you know!

Here are a few I sent to my friend Susan Kaplan and her Misty:
Misty is as golden as can be
You see she gets it from me
Some think its the other way around
Really she could wear a crown
Because she is queenie bee!

Susan and Misty are from Seattle
Living there is not a battle
For there is shopping everywhere
Woobies to buy by the pair
I'm glad they don't own cattle

Roo Roo's from Illinois
To Misty we won't be coy
'Cause we are Cinnamon & Ginger
Whom are very tender
Sweet woobie dreams from this girl and boy
-Teresa, Cinnamon, & Ginger Bullard
Southern Illinois

There once was a dog named HoneyBear
Who was covered with beautiful golden hair
The most awesome beast
who lived in the east
There's certainly none to compare
-Sandy & HoneyBear

If ever you're in New York City
There's plenty of dogs that are pretty,
But golden retrievers
Will make you believers
When you see my Sundance and Cass'dy.
They live on the upper Westside,
With Stephen who swells up with pride,
Whenever they play
In the park, they don't stray,
For goldens are so bonefide.
When Gail invites goldens to Weequaic,
My girls are the first on the uptake,
They love all the fuss
But sometimes they cuss
When others move in on their stake.

The summer for Sunny and Cassidy,
Is fun-filled and often quite facety,
At Gail's great Weequaic
They quiver and quake
In order to show their veracity.
-Stephen, Sundance & Cassidy

Dakota is my handsome dude
He'd rather play than eat his food
He kisses and snuggles
or sometimes gives huggles
It just depends on his mood

My baby girl's name is Cara
No, she doesn't wear a tiara
She loves to chew
anything will do-
a sofa, a pillow or chair-a
-Beth, Dakota & Cara Grob

To rhyme is not natural for me
Though my prose you'll no doubt often see
But to comfort Ms. Vetter
And to make her feel better
Is a most worthy goal I agree.
-Gloria Manucia

A woobie's "tale of woe" is ME
I'm happy to tear 'em apart, you see
Tho' their health's goin' south
Plush and soft in my mouth
Their spirits soon will be free

Our Boomer is quite a clown
His spirits are never down
Even though you are sad
From the hard day you've had
Around him you'll not wear a frown

Liver, cheese, or lamb
The happiest dog I am
When I do the trick right
And they give me a bite
Of a cookie or biscuit or ham

Bone, bone, beautiful bone
I love to chew you, and I'm not alone
You're good for my health
And a symbol of wealth
I'll hide you under a stone

Here, there, everywhere hair !
Mahogany red, to Blonde fair--
Our Goldens seem to have the gift
Of filling every crack and rift
Can't find the vacuum anywhere!

Do your business, Walkies, Outside
Do you want to go for a ride?
Are you hungry, let's GO!
Is it starting to SNOW?
So happy I thought I'd died

By the door I sat and waited
To stay at home alone I hated
Listening for you to arrive
Is that the car comin' down the drive?
The cat just sits there. She's jaded

I watch and wait as if in a trance
Then do the happy-footed dance
When I hear you in the hall
I'll greet you with a woobie or ball
Wigglebuttin' like ants in my pants
-Kevin Thompson & Boomer (Give it up, Dad!)
Mannheim, Germany
Here's Rescue's effort
(he's the family member who does the doggerel here):
There once was a Golden Ulysses
Whose bro' Rescue thinks Goldens sissys
They're chasing their balls
And coming when called
And givin' their hums Golden kissies. 

Now a mixed breed like me is headstrong
And I don't care what mom says is wrong
I roll in dead duck
Throw up in mom's truck
But she always still brings me along.

So let's hear it for Goldens and mixes
We all have our own set of tricks-es
Please rescue us all
Doggies old, lame, and small
And make sure the vets will then fix us.
-Marsha Mildon
& Rescue (I'm the smart one)
& Ulysses (I'm the cute one)

Writing limericks 'bout goldens would be dandy
if only I were limerick-handy.
Asked Harley for help,
heard from Barclay a yelp,
and an offer of aid for some candy!

-Jo, Harley & Barclay

**And from Cheryl Vetter herself**
That pup with a gleam in his eye,
speckled coat and a mouth that was wry
We named him "The Smokester"
He became quite a jokester
But grew into such a sweet guy...

We forgave him the sofa and shoes
That this "devil pup" killed with his chews
Built tall fences to hold him
(We could never quite scold him!)
And laughed at his comical flews.

Then one day he began to grow up
This goofy bespeckled-mix pup
Stole our hearts and our bed
(sometimes undies or bread
or Frosty Paws - even the cup!)

But too soon the Lord called him by name
"Mr. Moogs, now it's time that you came
To My home safe and warm
(where there's no thunderstorms!)"
So farewell, friend, til we meet again.
"I miss you, funnyface."
-Mommy

AND -- some other Golden verse!


Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue
Pretty pretty pretty pretty
Peggy Sue
Loves to lunch on her own dog-doo
makes her so happy
she sings "Roo-Roo"!
-Scotty Richardson (who else?) in WA

Ode to Kody: a "furry" poem
We love our goldens
On the bed,
But do not love
The hair they shed.
Our bedspread blonde
Was once maroon.
The contrast still
can make me swoon.
My chic black pants,
My teal skirt,
My red wool coat,
My velvet shirt;
All these and more
Have sprouted hair!
Wet feet on carpet --
Don't go there!
We love our dogs,
Don't get us wrong,
But still we sing
A woeful song.
What do all of you guys do
To keep the dog hair
Off of YOU?!
-Ellen Chappelle
& Ruby & Kody

Rusty, My Heart Dog
He's a sight to behold, my big Red Boy,
His gentle ways and big heart are my joy.
To watch him swim and retrieve is the best;
I believe I'll love him forever more.
-Debby Burroughs
& Rusty (Gee Mom, I love you too)
& Sam (Welllllll...where's mine?)
& Ginger (Please write one for me too.)

Make room in your heart
Adopt a bundle of fur
Adopt a Golden Retriever
Help out with rescue
Help save a few
Help out with a GRiC CUR
Adopt a Golden Retriever
-Pauline Stevens

And this is an oldie sung to the tune of an old camp song
I've long forgotten the words to!
Gussie Roo
My doggie, Gussie Roo
He plays with frozen poo.
He tosses it high up in the air (clunk, clunk)
Gus is a clever dog.
He'll make another log
And save it for a different wintry day!
-Jennifer Borgesen & Mulligan

Who's the fairest in all the land?
Gemma, of course, 'cause she has no anal gland.
-Donna Vozenilek & the gang

Cheyenne is my golden girl
Her hair has no locks or curl
She is right up there with Peggy Sue
Boy can she ever consume the poo
Tyko is my golden boy
He really is such a joy
He is always looking for something to steal
His grin gives him such sex appeal
Beau is my rescue boy
He is always happy with any toy
He has a fetish for pillows on the bed
If he gets my feather one he just may end up dead
(Just kidding of course)
Cooper is my heart and soul dog
He is always ready for a great jog
My side he very seldom leaves
When he is gone I sure will grieve
Blondie a greyhound he be
He is in heartfailure you see
With him we take it day by day
God willing he is here for a long stay
Jake is a hardheaded hound
He isn't worth even a penny a pound
(At least not yet)
He is now at school with my son
I will tell you the little sh*t is really missed by his mum (me)
As you can see these are much more than dogs to me
Best friends are what they are to be
No matter what they get in
They will always be part of the family
-Nancy (kgroomer@aol.com) & Furkids

Dusty is our sweetie
He holds both our hearts
We think he is quite perfect
Except for when he farts
The smell begins quite slowly
Then it builds in force
We look around and wonder
When did we get a horse?
At last the room is aired out
Then we gag and cry, "Oh no!"
He looks at us so sweetly
And lets another one go

-Alix and Dusty
Stoney Creek, Ontario

There was a little guy who was lost and confused
Who wandered the desert land
Of no water just sand
Then one lucky day
A woman found him and say
Won't you come home with us
To be loved and adored
And we promise you won't be bored
Grinnin Gilbert had found
A great place to be
For he now has a cat
Jessie and Sadie
His health has improved
He's not lost and confused
He's one lucky boy
To become a webdog
Now he can have all he wants
To tease and to taunt
And play and to grin
He loves scratches under the chin.
We love our Gilbert
He's a joy and a squirt
He's our Grinnin little boy
With lots of fun toys!


Our Jessie is big
But he's really not a pig
He just got really tall
He loves to rub the wall
He is a gentleman
Who loves his family
He barks really loud
And is really very proud
He is a gentle soul
With a gentle heart that can't be beat
Never seen a girl in heat
He loves his brother and sister
And takes turns playing twister
With Gilbert and Sadie
They make the Amigos
They are pals true and true
Through good times and blue
The Amigos they are a gang
In the Arizona desert they live
With all the love they give
A truer blessing we could not ask
Than these beauties they are not a task
But golden loves with golden masks!

Miss Sadie Lou
Makes number three
A golden girl
Beautiful and free
She had been freed from the doggie jail
By someone who loved her color pale
But decided a golden she'd be
Was not for their family
She came to us as a friend to Jessie
So beautiful and quite a hussy
She became the mom and leader
And we will never ever  beat her!
For her first  home she was hurt
But now she is loved
So beautiful and happy
A heart to tug
Our beautiful Miss Sadie
-Pam Skowronek and the Arizona Gang

Now look what you've gone
and done
I'm having so much fun
With all the pun
Oh, what a beautiful night
The birds they all took flight
The dogs have lost their fight
I am filled with delight
I know that in the morrow
I'll just look like horrow
Guess I'll have to borrow
A limerick for my sorrow
The darkness is out the window
My head should be on the pillow
The dogs are circling the willow
Though I've never met
The sweet Gemma pet
I'm willing to bet
Some day I will get
To kiss the sweet babett
Not so bad for 5 in the morning
Especially without any warning.
I'll take the fluff
and all the other stuff
Might even add my own puff
Is that enuff

I just keep readin'
About Goldens needin'
Can't help but wish
I had a bigger dish
I'd take 'em all in
And they could send me to the looney bin
We'd have woobies galore
And vet bills that would soar
I'd have to buy a mini-van
To carry all my clan
Got Goldens dancin' in my head
Just can't fit them in my bed
Big ones with bad hips
And little ones with hungry lips
Old ones that need rest
And only deserve the best
Young ones that need to run
And just have a lot of fun
The rescues they do hurry
To get our precious furries
Another they have saved
For sure a path they paved
To heaven for themselves
And all their little elves

-Donna Vozenilek & Dexter & Lucy

Buddy adopted us 10 months ago
He's fit in quite nicely, don't you know
All surgeries are over, he's coming along
Now his mommy is singing a joyful song
She pampers that pup, he wants for nothing
Woobies galore, he pulls out all stuffing.
He's up on the couch, like it's his own throne
Then Jo gives him a treat or a knuckle bone!
He takes over my side of the queen-size bed
Jo--please please get him off of my head!
Buddy lays on our bed like a bump on a log
Oh Lord if I die please let me come back as Jo's dog.
-Jo and Buddy, CGC, the Aggie Wonder Dog

The Konsulis family has such joy
We didn't get it from a toy
Our joy has come from this, you see
When our Golden Mondo became family
It didn't take long for him to steal my heart
I'm sure it was virtually from the start
Mondo has endless love to give
We'll give it back as long as we live
I'm sure he thinks he only weighs 10
'Cause into my lap he jumps again
He is there for his nap to stay
No nudging will move him in any way
when from his nap he will arise
He'll get his tennis ball, that's no surprise
A game of fetch he wants to play
He's in our hearts, he's here to stay
Although we live in Buffalo
with all the mounds and mounds of snow
I can make it through any storm
'Cause I have a Golden to keep me warm.
-Andrea Konsulis

EVERYONE'S BUDDY
Let me tell you the tale of a golden named Buddy
A rescue adopted by a gal who's quite nutty;
Her heart and her soul were quickly stolen by him
and the new life for Buddy no longer looked grim;
A puppy mill "breeder" gave Buddy his start
but had nothing to do with this little angel's heart,
His legs weren't quite right, in fact they were bowed
but his eyes and his smile--oh my, they just glowed!
Buddy's foster family at first named him Darren,
which just happens to rhyme with his surgeon, Dr. Herron
He said he would fix him right up (this sweet golden pup!)
with a little snip, snip and a lot of cut, cut (ouch!)
Hundreds of people from here and from there,
donated some dollars just to show that they care;
We just wept with joy when we saw all the money,
there WOULD be surgery on this sweet little honey;
Stainless steel rods and stainless steel pins
they couldn't stop him--he was going to win!
He'd beat that damned breeder, he'd show him what's right
He wasn't giving up without a real fight
Now Buddy's all better, he's getting so strong
He's the boy we knew he could be all along
And tho' those legs still aren't perfectly straight
He's my pride & joy with the crooked gait.
He adores fuzzy woobies, and he really loves life
now there are no more surgeries, there is no more strife!
But the best about Buddy (I'm biased you see)--
the best thing of all is he's loved by ME!
-Jo Hoeppner & Buddy

Read Buddy's Story....

And a special tribute to Smokey....
You were special.  Even more special in your own unique way than the
inherent specialness of any living creature.  You were way beyond that.
Even in my limited time with you I could see it.
There are many good and happy and fun and nice dogs out there each
with their own wonderful traits and sweetness but you had something
beyond that.  You were my best friend's heart dog........
you gave her joy and a bond
that I would dearly wish anyone I are deeply about could have in life.
I'm glad she had you, I just wish you could have stayed longer.
I wish I could see you one more time.  I will just have to keep my
memories of a little spitfire of a speckledy dog who stole my french fries
and showered me with nibbly little kisses while giving me most vocal
demands and nudges.  There was a joy in life quite visible in you and
everything I ever saw you do.
Thank you Smokey for accepting my Ben and watching over him and
welcoming him into your den when his life was falling apart. The good
heart and wisdom of your people was well reflected in your actions as
well.  And you will never ever be forgotten.
-Michelle Lyman, Ben & Zerk
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