The BC List
"Fountains of Love"
Scholarship Fund
LIMERICKS
website!!

Some members on the BC Listserv decided that writing limericks,
at a minimum $2 donation per attempt, would be a cool way
to raise money for the Kansas City "Fountains of Love"
annual gathering 2000 scholarship fund.

And since writing limericks is kinda like balancing two tennis balls,
one in your mouth and one on your nose, this is nothing to sneeze at!

So here you have them, in all their goofy glory....

ENJOY!


This marvelous group of BC listers
in Kansas City will meet their sisters  (sorry guys)
The devil has dealt their hand
though with utmost courage they will stand
vanquishing the beast and the twisters

-Marsha
mscott@dhs.co.la.ca.us


There once was a bc list newbie
Who read all the posts in a hurry
Hit delete from above
Wiped out "Fountains of Love"
And missed what she needed for KC

-Sue
sue_bristol@yahoo.com
(Innocent but apparently gullible newbie)


A woman who had a hysterectomy
Revisited her surgeon for a lumpectomy
Her prognosis is good
She can still chop the wood
And, thank God, she won't need a mastectomy

-Judy
jfahey@cconnect.net


Since cancer I'm feeling kinda saggy
Calls for a wardrobe that's sorta baggy
When hubby cried: "frump"
I replied with a "harrumph"
You can sleep with our dog, Maggie.

Where is my libido that used to burn?
What will it take to make it return?
Try the cream, spread the gel
Olive oil? Don't kiss and tell
I feel as sexy as a potted fern.

Where is that drive called LUST
Was it removed along with my BUST?
Could chemopause
Be the real cause?
It will return in time, I trust ...

There was a young lady who felt pretty
Until a surgeon sliced off her left titty
She aged overnight
Looked like a fright
And sometimes said "life was shitty"

Tamoxifen is truly a wonder drug
What side effects? Doctors just shrug..
So you have hot flashes?
Forget 100 yd. dashes
Extra pounds make me feel like a slug

Down in the dungeon of depression
In need of a psychiatric session
Dreamy clouds drift past
How long can this last
My season of personal recession?

Why should I be working
When instead I could be lurking?
There's a story
From "Morning Glory"
Maybe I'm not the only one shirking

A hex sent from an evil witch
Made her what some called a bitch
She had breast cancer
That was her answer
If I could, personalities I'd switch.

My plastic breasts will outlive me
Even if I die at sea
Sharks won't eat
This man-made treat
Two orbs surface, floating free.

Chemobrain's now a proven fact
As if we need science to tell us that
Left the cake out in the rain?
Forgot about Lake Champlain?
Breast cancer thinkers get tit for tat.

-Karen (aka The Limerick Monster)
AMSTUTZ@smarthealth.com
(Can this woman be saved?)


There was a young girl named Bonnie
who used to be tiny and scrawny
She became one obsessed
by the size of her breast
And now she must wear something funny.

-Bonnie
bonpaul@telusplanet.net


There once was a list of pals
consisting of  mostly gugals
A gold standard of  half-chocolate balls
Mallomars, Puffs, & Chocolate Royals..
were *applied* essential oils for these dolls

-Joane
cardinal@canuck.com


There was a gal named Suzanne
Who woke up with no use of her hand
Ate aged Cheddar instead
And went back to bed
To enjoy Cheez Whiz straight from the can.

-Adele
adele@EPIX.NET


There was a young lady from Okie
Who was originally raised in Skokie
She was born a Jew
But now kneels at the pew
And loves to do the Hokie pokie.....

A bunch of Gugals with chemobrain
Laughed so hard while sitting in the rain
one of them forgot
drank down their shot
And then had to empty their drain!

There was a lady that was Zaftig
She ate and ate and ate like a pig
Fudge was the best
Out of all the rest
Then she'd go outside to have a cig!

It is snowing outside and it's wet
So to my housework I must get
I washed the dishes
And fed the fishes
Now I can get back on the Net!

There once was a lady named Nancy
She knew that she was Fancy
She made some fudge
I gave her a nudge
And told her fudge made me antsy!

There's a big bash scheduled in KC
Everyone there will be spacey
Chemobrain's to blame
For all of the shame
___________________
(I can't think of an ending.....Help!!!!)

-Jodi
BoneHeadsRUs@aol.com
(I think an intervention may be called for...)


I sit here at the desk and hot flash
And quickly open the sash---
I've learned not to delay
Though I Kegel all day:
To pee in the pot you must dash--

O Toya she sure has been missed.
She's the joy of the BC-ers' list
A wise woman and funny
Irrepressibly sunny
It's our husbands she just can't resist!

A husband or two, well, why not?
She doesn't ask for a lot.
Our husbands she'll seek--
But Toya's unique--
And husbands are easily got.

So, now I owe Bobbie some gold
Three limericks now I have told
Should be writing my essay
But it's boring and messy,
It's just about sex turning cold

Hypoactive desire's the theme
The cure?, Well, we all can dream
of Sex hot and sweet
and Loving complete,
But hang it--I rather eat ice cream.

-Maria "morning glory"
mglory@home.com
(on the verge of madness)


We all know a gal named Suzanne
who attempts to convince us we can
write limericks like falling
off logs (how apalling!)
so we'll try to live up to her fan(tasy)

-Sarah
sewebster@HOTMAIL.COM


A good woman I know made a pact
To e-mail all her best pagan tract
So offended was the populace
She was sent to the Acropolis
Where now she's regularly smacked!

-Suzanne
gemshums@tsoft.com
(Who? ME??)


There once was a limerick queen named Bria
Who penned limericks all for no fee-a
She wrote with a flare
And dragged everyone there
Until limericks flowed like the sea-a

The limericks are flowing like watah
But the emails are not, and they oughta
You must pay your dues
Just 2 dollars from youse
(well what did you expect from a Lawn Gislander, huh? )
And some scholarships then  can be boughta

Your emails I'm waiting to get
mailto:bmr1@optonline.net
Then you'll be in the know
As to who gets the dough
And for sure you will then be all set.

-Dizzy Blonde Bobbie
bmr1@optonline.net
(Queen of Scholarships!)


There was a young girl who begat
three babies named nat, pat and tat
it was fun in the breeding
but hell in the feeding
because there was no tit for tat

-Dale
wills@transport.com
(Plagerized, but still a good one!)


There once was a toenail named Tony
Who healed veins with dull macaroni
He scraped and he poked
He laughed and he joked
And told us it all was baloney.

-Nancy, The Fudge Lady
nfdyson@HOME.COM
(HUH????)

MORE, MORE, WE WANT MORE!!
So, e-mail your limericks to Suzanne
and then contact Bobbie about where to send
your $2 (or more if you can handle it) donation per entry.
Let's send a gugal or two to Kansas City!!
...and for even MORE limerick madness,
check out the Breast Cancer Limericks Website!



GO to Suzanne's BC Links

"Upsey Dasey!"
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