Rumor has it that engineers at my company fortunate enough to get sent to Comdex must write up a full report for their managers when they return. My assumption, since I don't work at the corporate office and am wary of asking the truth, is that this report would include discoveries of new technologies and competitors relevant to their development efforts. My take on this is that the most useful information that these engineers can provide to their coworkers is not "how we can use the latest techno-trick from Company M to kick Company X's butt", but "what tips can we provide for coworkers to maximize their enjoyment of Comdex if they get lucky enough to go next year". So with that in mind, here is my report of Comdex 1996.

    I got sent to Comdex as a perk. That meant that I didn't have to do a shred of booth duty. Which worked out pretty well because we didn't have a booth this year. The only thing I had to endure was the disbelief of friends who could not believe I actually wanted to go to Comdex. You mean, you actually want to go get sardined into a massive zoo masquarading as a computer show, wait hours in line for a taxi, watch technogeeks lose a quarter of their IPO money at the craps table, fill out forms and do silly things just to win t-shirts that advertise other people's products, and hopefully live to tell about it? The answer: if I get time off from work and the company is paying for everything, why the heck not?

    To get some scope of how large of a show Comdex is, picture an airport hangar filled with people who want to be the next Bill Gates. Multiply that by ten, transfer a third of it to a location a couple miles down the street, add lighting, the real Bill Gates, hundreds of pleasant faced actors who think ATM gives you cash, and you'll have some kind of idea. But the real thing is something you just have to experience to believe. Kind of like Las Vegas itself. But with not as much neon. The show takes place in the following locations: the Las Vegas Convention Center, the Hilton next to the Convention Center, a bunch of (temporary?) pavilions outside the Convention Center, and the Sands Exposition Hall. Hotels are full, every rental car is spoken for, traffic is horrendous, and be prepared to get bumped from your plane, especially if you are flying to and from Silicon Valley. Supposedly 225,000 people attended Comdex this year. I always wonder about the unsuspecting tourists who happen to plan their Las Vegas vacations for Comdex week. Do they ever recover? And do they ever return?

    Companies definitely spend money on their Comdex booths, but they were, for the most part, tasteful. Samsung, I think it was, had a footbridge built out of monitors facing upwards. I especially liked booths with cool lighting effects, such WebTV spelled out in light on the ceiling at Philips. Fujitsu had an eighteen wheeler truck in their area. My hope was that we could have Monster Truck Rally and watch it roll over the teeny BMW Z3 roadster that was on display as a prize giveaway in the Compuserve booth. And, oh, you couldn't actually win the Z3 roadster right there at Comdex. You have to mail in your entry. I didn't ask about the truck.

    Larger companies usually hire "talent" to push the products at their demos. I'm not sure what is more fun: watching someone who has no idea what they are talking about enunciate phrases like "Real- Time Streaming Protocol" or watching very tired product marketers scream things like "whoever yells our product name the loudest gets a free t-shirt". According to a male friend who is a seasoned Comdex goer, there were not as many "booth babes" as he had seen previous years. Booth babes are little more than titillating window dressing; males make up the majority of Comdex attendees. I'd assume there are more women attending Comdex now than in the past, but I never had to wait very long in line for the restroom. And most of the women in the bathroom were working in the booths.

    Trinket and t-shirt giveaways are of course very popular with attendees. Very few companies will give you something for nothing, though. The very least you have to do is sit through a 10-20 minute presentation and fill out a form. Despite the fact that they can usually easily swipe your badge, they always make you fill out a form. At least that means you get a free pen. If the company is giving away something somewhat valuable, or a set of not-so-valuable items, they will collect all the forms and have a raffle. Philips was giving away an electronic voice memo device; Toshiba gave away two calculators (pretty chintzy ones actually). I won a very nice knapsack at Compuserve (why not the Z3?). T-shirts were actually pretty difficult to come by. The most popular t-shirt giveaway scheme is to ask the audience to answer questions about the presentation they just saw. Some are the opposite: I had to predict what someone was about to say to get my one and only t-shirt. Luckily, I am psychic. Well, actually, it was a competitor of ours. I knew what she was going to say -- I work on it every day. One company had a gigantic slot machine in their booth which you could pull for a chance at a frisbee or t-shirt. Noone was winning. They had a huge stack of frisbees. My bet is they'll be tossing them to passersby on Friday. Apparently Friday afternoon is a great time to go around and get free stuff that people do not want to take time to pack up. But if all else fails, when you see something you want and the guy in front of you snatches it, it is worth it to go up to someone and ask nicely. Showing extreme interest in the product helps here. Ask intelligent questions and then politely ask if you can have those three extra squishy balls so you can juggle them. A good tactic when asking for "play" items or multiple items is to tell them you have kids. Always works. One day I'll try it myself.

    Finding food is not difficult if you aren't picky. We ate off-schedule from most people and did OK. Our first night there we had to share a table at Benihana's even though it was almost 10:00. We showed up late (between 9:30 and 10:00) for breakfasts, had off-the-cart lunches, and we had one company dinner way off the Vegas strip at a great little place called "That's Italian". Our Marcom manager has been going there every Comdex for 11 years. Everyone remembers him. It's like a little reunion for them. If you are a good schmoozer, there are always companies having receptions, cocktail parties, and such with excellent grazing food. Finagle invitations and you can dine royally.

    Gambling is of course the central activity in Las Vegas, even during Comdex. This was the first time I was near serious high rolling money. We were slowly losing $40 in $5 chips at the craps table at Caesars while a man next to us, who looked like some kind of neatened up computer hacker to me, threw $6000 worth of hundred dollar bills on the table like it was nothing. He pulled a lot of attitude with the pit boss, but they let him stay. He was losing, after all.

    The most discussed commonality amongst Comdex goers is not the weather (although after we left it actually rained!) but the long taxi lines. I was surprised to see that this was not a myth. Outside the convention center a line of people extends out from the taxi queue for a few blocks or more. Waiting an hour for a taxi is not unheard of. However, as we discovered on our last night there, at least if you are in a taxi line you have some hopes of reaching the front and getting one. If you are in a small hotel with no taxis coming by, or tons of taxis rushing on by to the nearest taxi line, you are absolutely screwed. We were staying at the Marriott Residence Inn, conveniently located across the street from the Las Vegas convention center, and we needed to get to Caesar's on the strip for a company reception. The front desk called a cab for us. We waited inside. Meanwhile, someone higher up in our organization showed up in the lobby, needing a ride to the airport. The hotel shuttle was late coming to get him, and when our cab arrived (surprisingly quickly), he told the front desk he was taking it, and they didn't bat an eyelid nor did they tell us our cab was here! Before we could react, he was gone. They phoned for another cab. This time we went outside to wait. We waited and we waited. The neon lights in the convention center sign turned on. It got dark. The parking lot lights came on. The hotel shuttle showed up to take our long gone VP to the airport. We asked him if he could take us to Caesar's instead. No go. Apparently they are not licensed to be shuttling people on the strip. They can only go to the airport. Great. We had waited for almost an hour. We were pretty sure a cab would never show up. We had our luggage with us since we were flying out that night, so walking anywhere was not an option. Just as we were about to give up hope, a grey Infiniti pulled up into the driveway and a woman called out from the window "anyone need a taxi?" We practically ran to her car.

    This woman was the personality highlight of my trip. Shuttling people around without a license was illegal, but quite entrepreneurial, which we respected. She explained that she had just bought the luxury car and hadn't sold her old BMW yet. Short on cash, she decided to take advantage of the taxi shortage. When we asked what she did for a living, she said she had done some translating for IBM. But, she said, she was actually a flamenco dancer. She had toured with the Gipsy Kings as their only female flamenco dancer. This was either a very intriguing woman or a very creative liar. I didn't care, it was interesting to me either way. She had grown up in Las Vegas, and claimed she didn't dance in the hotel shows, it just wasn't her style. She didn't like gambling, and hated how Las Vegas had turned into a Disneyland. When we reached Caesar's, we had decided to ask her to come back later to take us to the airport which she readily agreed to. And then we asked her name, which she said was "Constanza". We asked if that was her flamenco stage name, and she said "No that's my real name. Believe it or not, my father was a bull fighter." She then told us that her mother was a Las Vegas dancer for 22 years, as she put it "back when it was prestigious to be a Las Vegas showgirl. None of the topless stuff they have now." Constanza returned right on time to taxi us to the airport. And we were very appreciative to have our very own limo service.

    So, yes, any awful things you hear about Comdex are probably true. Is it a worthwhile show? Well, it depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for something specific, it's probably not a good idea. But if you are looking for an experience unlike any other and can enjoy the super-glitz of Las Vegas, give this one a whirl. Where else can you watch two blimps and two hot air balloons duke it out for airspace above a Hilton? And where else can you commune in person with all the elite and not so elite of the computer industry to see the sights and sounds of the business that is keeping all of us fed, clothed, and entertained?

    A footnote: Thursday back in the office, our product manager, who was still in Vegas, called. He started telling a story. "I was waiting for a cab outside the Marriott when this woman in an Infiniti pulled up..." We finished it for him.

This sordid tale is ©1996 Lilly Tao