2005

(10/05) "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

                            -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
(7/05) "Be a scribe! Your body will be sleek, your hand will be soft. You are one who sits grandly in your house; your servants answer speedily; beer is poured copiously; all who see you rejoice in good cheer. Happy is the heart of him who writes; he is young each day."
                            -- Ptahhotep, Vizier to Isesi,
                                    Fifth Egyptian Dynasty, 2300 BC
(3/05) "I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman."
                            -- Jack Nicholson

Y(1K+2)*2

(1/04) "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks."

                            -- Joe E. Lewis

Y2K+3

(12/03) "We want results in every single classroom so that one single child is left behind."

                            -- George W. Bush (11/10/2003)
(11/03) "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin cutting throats."
                            -- H.L. Mencken
(10/03) "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
                            -- Dave Paulsen
(9/03) "Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."
                            -- Susan Ertz
(4/03) "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."
                            -- G.W. Bush

Y2K+2

(4/02) "We have to bomb those people until we teach them not to hate us."

                            -- Eartha Kitt on terrorism
(2/02) "I'm not sleeping with a jr. high schooler! I have a life sized doll that looks like one!"
                            -- Megatokyo.com

Y2K+1

(11/01) "Those who would give up freedom for security deserve neither."

                            -- Benjamin Franklin
(9/01) "Fuck all!"
                            -- Atari Teenage Riot
(7/01) "I love to binge on rice cakes. I'll rent a movie and settle down in front of the TV with one or two rice cakes, and eat until my vision blurs."
                            -- Callista Flockhart, well-known binge eater
(6/01) "What is keeping us out of recession is the consumer. There is a risk of a sudden attack of prudence. If people stop living beyond their means, this could turn into a recession."
                            -- David Wyss, S&P
(3/01) "I've spent nearly as much time trying to understand the strange appeal of summer camp as the appeal of a talking mouse who favors red shorts. Quite frankly, I'm still stumped about the mouse."
                            -- Michael Eisner
(1/01) "Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."
                            -- Samuel Beckett

Y2K

(11/00) "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."

                            -- John Barrymore
(10/00) "If we do not find anything very pleasant, at least we shall find something new."
                            -- Voltaire, on working for a startup
(9/00) "It's not just a computer -- it's your ass."
                            -- Cal Keegan
(8/00) "American drummer, give us funky beats."
                            -- The Red Elvises
(7/00) "The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage."
                            -- Unknown
(6/00) "I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."
                            -- Russell Crowe, Gladiator
(5/00) On going to war over religion: "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
                            -- Rich Jeni
(4/00) "No machine will increase the possibilities of life. They only increase the possibilities of idleness."
                            -- John Ruskin
(3/00) "I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of times I wish I could say I'm not white."
                            -- Frank Zappa
(2/00) "Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it."
                            -- Richard Feynman
(1/00) "If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."
                            -- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)

Pre-2000

(2/98) "People ask me what I think China should do about Tibet. Who cares what I think? I'm a fucking actor!"

                            -- Brad Pitt
(4/98) "The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
                            -- David Friedman
(5/98) "I was born a citizen of a free state and a member of its sovereign body, and however weak may be the influence of my voice in public affairs, my right to vote on them suffices to impose on me the duty of studying them."
                            -- Jean Jaques Rousseau, The Social Contract, 1762
(6/98) "The Internet is a good tool to use to get on the Net."
                            -- Bob Dole
(7/98) "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."
                            -- Matt Groening
(8/98) "Farewell happy fields, Where joy forever dwells: hail, horrors!"
                            -- John Milton
(9/98) "I truly believe that 40 or 50 years from now, when I tell my grandchildren I played against Thresh and DeathRow, it will have significance for them."
                            -- Tomi "DOOMer", Swedish Quake champion
(10/98) "Society is now one polish'd horde,
Formed of two mighty tribes, the Bores and Bored."
                            -- Lord Byron
(11/98) "If you want divine justice, die."
                            -- Nick Seldon
(12/98) "Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house."
                            -- Robert A. Heinlein
(1/99) "If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labor, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor."
                            -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
(2/99) "I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses."
                            -- Victor Hugo
(3/99) "The flaw in all these ideas of yours is that the hero always seems to have a half-witted friend who is eager to place himself in the foulest positions on his behalf."
                            -- P.G. Wodehouse
(4/99) "Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."
                            -- Kin Hubbard
(5/99) "Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle."
                            -- Unknown
(6/99) "A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it adds up to be real money."
                            -- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
(7/99) "A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern."
                            -- Edgar A. Shoaff
(8/99) "The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him."
                            -- Jim Samuels
(9/99) "The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread."
                            -- Anatole France
(10/99) "To be governed is to be watched, inspected, spied upon, directed law-driven, numbered, regulated, enrolled, indoctrinated, preached at, controlled, checked, estimated, valued, censured, commanded, by creatures who have neither the right nor the wisdom nor the virtue to do so. To be governed is to be at every operation, at every transaction, noted, registered, counted, taxed, stamped, measured, numbered, assessed, licensed, authorized, admonished, prevented, forbidden, reformed, corrected, punished."
                            -- Pierre Proudhon
(11/99) "Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!"
                            -- Harlan Ellison
(12/99) "Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system."
                            -- P.J. O'Rourke